Author: McPikelets

Exhibitionist

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I jumped to the conclusion that the lad re-installing our bath must surely be high. He wouldn’t look at me when I asked him questions (really exciting questions, such as “are there any cleaning products I should avoid?”), handed the under-the-house key to his colleague while staring at his boots to give back to me even though I was standing right there, and then bid a hasty retreat to his van. As I helped Amy wash her hands just after they left while tutting about high tradies, I glanced in the mirror and saw my shirt was unbuttoned to the naval. I haven’t been this much of an exhibitionist since University!

Banjo & Hank

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So Amy tells me that soon I’ll be going back to hospital to have not one, but two baby girls. Apparently they’ll be called Banjo and Hank. I really hope she’s not displaying some kind of psychic ability…because a girl called ‘Hank’ isn’t going to make it through high school without collecting some serious emotional baggage (‘Banjo’, however, will be totally fine and probably end up fronting a wildly successful indie band).

Love logic

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Amy: “ I love you, Mummy. Do you know why I love you?” Me: *imagining a lovely little response about how I give her cuddles, or read stories, or something* “Why’s that, sweetheart?” Amy: “Because you’re not an idiot.” Oooookaaaaaaay.

Superstition

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I never really put much stock into superstition…until now. Last night the baby slept for many, MANY hours in a row, resulting in me managing to keep my shit together all day today, even while chasing the cat around in the shower trying to hose dog poo off him (you’ve not witnessed an expression that better encompasses rage, shame and fear until you’ve seen a soggy Siamese), as the newly-awoken baby yelled from her cot and the toddler stood with her nose pressed against the outside of the shower door demanding a jellybean for using the potty. I may have even managed a sort of rueful “ah, kids and animals! Whaddaya gonna do?” smile. So you can bet your ass I’m trying to follow the exact same steps as last night to tempt back whatever sleeping sorcery visited our home.

Supermarket sway

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One minute you’re gently jiggling in the confectionary aisle to keep the baby in the front-pack asleep whilst you go about your shopping. Next thing you know, you’ve gotten a bit carried away with the jiggling, have started singing along a little too enthusiastically to the supermarket Muzak, and you turn to see a small, concerned crowd has gathered. By the way, Countdown, Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It” is an interesting soundtrack choice for Valentine’s Day, no?

Learner driver

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Amy: “So, will I drive your car or Daddy’s car when I go to kindy?” Me: “I’ll drive you to kindy! You’re too little to drive.” Amy: “but you said I’m a big girl! And I don’t know how to drive, but that’s ok, I’ll just brrrmmm it to kindy, and you’ll call Daddy and say ‘OHMYGOD! Amy is driving the car!’” I just really didn’t imagine having the “mum, can I borrow your car?” conversation at this stage