My column in the latest issue of Little Treasures Magazine: Jeremy desperately wants to get himself “fixed”, while I have a big fat panic that I’m not finished having babies yet. Mildly passive-aggressive marital conversations ensue. A boozy dinner with girlfriends is had to thrash out pros and cons. Decisions are made… Or are they?
What happens when you need to raise money for Cure Kids to help find a cure for Batten Disease AND create a rousing supporters’ song for the All Blacks? You get a whole bunch of talented New Zealand musicians, actors, producers, directors, comedians, camera people and rugby players together in NZ’s top recording studio, ask them to put together a track based on the opinions of a few kids…and then magic happens. There are a few edits out there, but I think this one by Flight of the Conchords is my favorite version of Cure Kids “Team Ball Player Thing” Check it out. Revel in the comedic musical genius, download the track from iTunes and be sure to donate at http://bit.ly/KiwisCureBatten For my friends in the US: rugby is sort of like American Football, only much cooler because the players are better looking, they don’t wear any protective gear and there isn’t quite so much standing about. #KiwisCureBatten #CureKids
My first born’s first proper sentence: “What a sunny day!” My second born’s first proper sentence: “I HAD IT FIRST!”
Hearing the neighbours drag their bins down the driveway at 10pm before we had kids: “Oh! I forgot that it was bin night. Never mind, we’ll put the bins out tomorrow morning after enjoying a full night’s sleep, the breakfast news, and a hot coffee. Actually – our bin probably isn’t even full”. Hearing the neighbours drag their bins down the driveway at 10pm now: “Those inconsiderate fuckcakes! They’re dragging their bins right under the kids’ windows! Why didn’t they take their bins out when they saw me on the road trying to force the lid closed on our overflowing bin well before 7pm? If they wake the children with their bin dragging, I will cut them! I WILL CUT THEM SO DEEP THEY’LL NEVER STOP BLEEDING”
Stinky Bunny was the recipient of some lovingly exuberant toast feeding this morning. Now to extend the concept of “sharing” into the murky depths of Not Snatching Toys From Other Toddlers (and to have this jammy bunny washed and dried by bedtime).
This morning she grabbed a bottle of wine in the supermarket and yelled “Cuggle wine! Kisses wine!”. This afternoon she’s standing in a playground wearing a food-stained top and carrying an oversized bag full of crap. She’s gonna make a great mother one day.
When you think you’re taking a cute photo of your daughter in your old childhood dress, and realise you’ve accidentally shot the poster image for a horror movie. #averageparentproblems
“Hey Mummy! Look at these funny little rocks, they’re a bit squishy!” “Ohhhh Amy, those aren’t rocks, they’re rabbit poo” “OHMYGOD MUM do you have any hand sanitizer with you?” Aww, my little city girl.
About a week ago, Amy started wistfully staring off into space and wondering, “Mummy, are fairies real do you think? If they are, they’ll probably leave me some chocolate”. So began a somewhat long and involved process of Amy leaving out nightly letters (dictated to me), pictures, piles of glitter, bits of jewelry etc., for the fairies to find. To start with, I was pretty sure she was just hopping on the fairy gravy train in the hope I’d try to convince her they were real by leaving her treats. Now, before anyone accuses me of bah-humbuggedness, this is the girl who got up on Christmas morning when I was happily squawking about Santa having come overnight, and said “oh, Mummy, Santa isn’t ACTUALLY real, you didn’t really believe that, did you?” as she rolled her 3.5 year old eyes at me. This is what I’m dealing with. She might as well drink unicorn blood for breakfast. But after a week of fairy pen-pal action, she seemed to actually be quite into it, and genuinely bummed on the …
McPikelets 