Gave the girls the “we’re going to visit friends with a tiny baby, so please use your quiet voices” speech. Their reactions did nothing to fill me with confidence.
One minute you’re gently jiggling in the confectionary aisle to keep the baby in the front-pack asleep whilst you go about your shopping. Next thing you know, you’ve gotten a bit carried away with the jiggling, have started singing along a little too enthusiastically to the supermarket Muzak, and you turn to see a small, concerned crowd has gathered. By the way, Countdown, Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It” is an interesting soundtrack choice for Valentine’s Day, no?
Experimenting with a new eyeshadow set whilst jiggling a baby netted interesting results. Granted it did provide an updated look, but it’s less “fresh New York chic” and more “girl who drank too much tequila and was woken up by the cleaners in the nightclub toilets at 6am”.
Suggested posts containing helpful tips about post-baby weight loss keep popping up in my newsfeed. Yes, yes, yes, Facebook universe, I get the point that I need to exercise and stop eating family-sized blocks of chocolate (unless I want to remain family-sized myself). My favourite weight-loss top-tip for new mothers is the one that says “get a good sleep every night,” Righto. Sorry, Tilly, but Mummy can’t get up and feed you tonight…she needs a full eight hours so she can fit her skinny jeans in the morning (the ones she bought after a nasty bout of food-poisoning, that, while violently horrifying at the time, was good for a few kilos).
Upon hearing Tilly (4 weeks) crying, Amy (2.5) raced down the hall yelling: “it’s ok, Tilly! I’m coming! Buuuuuuut you can’t eat my boobies, ok? Is that the deal?” Indeed.