Four year old honesty
Amy: “Mummy…I’m not saying that I don’t like your outfit, exactly, but why did you decide to wear that?” Me: *changing*
All posts tagged: #Preschooler
Derping over lipstick
Tilly was so overcome by the sheer excitement of being next to try on “lipick” she derped the derpiest face I’ve ever witnessed. Props to the awesome lady at Bobbi Brown for indulging little-girl dreams so this mama could find the perfect daytime red lippy.
Four Year Old World
Most evenings see me in a pair of yoga pants I bought when I was pregnant because I’ve got this thing about not wanting to “waste” nice clothes on hanging out at home (I blame my half-Scottish heritage for this mindset). Don’t go imagining a stylish “lounging at home in my activewear” getup though; these pants were from the $5 rack at Kmart, and are so old their cost-per-wear sits at about 0.0004 cents. Due to their clingy nature, they made my pregnant ass look like two baskets of rutting hamsters, but goddamit I love a bargain so wore them anyway. Also, nothing else fit. I was wearing these pants as I tucked Amy into bed last night, so was taken aback when she said, “Are you going out for dinner after I’ve gone to sleep? Those pants look fab-lee-iss”. Ah, but Amy is four, and in Four Year Old World a $5 pair of yoga pants can be considered totally ok to wear to a restaurant (stick that in your lemon, Lulu). It got …
The Swan Plant Fracas
After working the girls up into a frenzy about getting a swan plant so we could watch caterpillars turn into butterflies (wholesome! outdoors! gardening! learning but it’s FUN! etc), all our local garden centers were totally out of the bloody things. So we schlepped across town to a High Class garden centre and selected a healthy specimen with two teeny tiny caterpillars already munching on it. Amy promptly named them Elsa & Anna. Success…until two angry wasps wanted to come with our plant, and caused us to nearly knock over an over-priced yucca in our haste to get away. Plant temporarily abandoned, we sought out a garden centre employee so I could say “hey look, buddy, I don’t know how you guys do things over here in the land of Range Rovers, but in the Central-West suburbs we like our plants without flying striped stinging assholes”. The nice employee man explained to my wide-eyed children that the wasps were chasing us because they want to eat the caterpillars.#RemueraHorrorStory. With Amy’s shrieks of “Go and save Elsa …
Correct.
“Dads do stinky farts. Mums just fart glitter”.
Abraca…crap
Fun things to hear when you’re racing about trying to get everyone in the car so we don’t sit in holiday traffic all day: “Mum! I’ve dropped my wand in the toilet AND WE’RE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT IT!” We’re now joining the line of traffic as the pungent aroma of disinfectant fills the car.
What sort of Instagramming monster have I created?
“Wait, Mum! Let me take a photo before we put it in the fridge”
No explanation
I’ve had children for 4.5 years now. Yet I still find myself asking questions aloud, such as “why are there teeth marks in the toilet paper roll?” “Why are there dirty socks in the fridge?” What’s a fork doing jammed in the cat door?”, as if I expect a reasonable answer in response.
School visit shenanigans
Prior to her school visits, I’m pretty sure Amy pulled Tilly aside and whispered, “Hey Tills, be a pal and act like a total shit-stick so that I will look angelic by comparison”. Because during 3 x vists to Amy’s 2016 school (if they’ll still take her), Tilly has: Trashed the classroom nativity scene Run off with the teacher’s permanent marker Yelled “It’s POOS!” when the teacher held up a picture of potatoes and asked the class what it was Performed an expressive dance in the middle of the orderly circle the children had formed during mat time Smashed a glass Up-ended jigsaw puzzles Inexplicably started chanting “All Blacks! All Blacks! All Blacks!” while running around the classroom as the other children studiously made Christmas cards Pulled apart a wooden rainbow Taken a bite out of a glue stick at the craft table. Meanwhile, Amy has been folding her arms, sitting nicely, singing along to class songs, and shooting warning looks at her delinquent little sister.
McPikelets 