Carpet sandcastle
Apparently this isn’t a messy pile of books, “it’s a sandcassel. Don’t ever put it away, ever ever”
Apparently this isn’t a messy pile of books, “it’s a sandcassel. Don’t ever put it away, ever ever”
It’s party central here! We’ve been lining up the shot glasses since before the break of dawn…to get the dregs from the medicine bottles the syringe can’t reach. And yes, that is a syringe floating in one of the bottles. I accidentally dropped it in mid-draw-up and can’t get it out, so I’ve decided to run it as an art installation.
Sure, I grew her, she emerged from my body, I’ve been puked, pooped and peed on by her…but THIS is the grossest part of parenting. The bit where they try to blow up their own balloon for a solid 20 minutes, then admit defeat and say “you blow it up for me, Mama”. *shudder* Even the cat can’t watch.
Yesterday we were standing in the supermarket checkout line behind a beautiful woman with a moko (for my non-NZ friends, a moko is a traditional Maori facial tattoo). The questions came at me thick, fast and loud from both little girls about “the lady with drawings on her face”. I explained what a moko is and then apologized to the lady in case my inquisitive children had caused offense. She assured me no offense was taken. Then I blushed a deeper red than the bottle of Pinot nestled in my shopping basket as Amy loudly announced, “MY MUM HAS A TATTOO ON HER BUM! Would you like to see it? Mum, show the lady your bum!” When I got that tattoo at 20, something told me I’d probably regret it one day (by “something” I mean “my dad”).
Why, yes, that is my child facing the wrong way and not following instructions.
Unexpected yet not entirely inaccurate satement delivered via the baby monitor at 10:27pm: “There’s too much unicorn in my bed.”
There’s a saying: “it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey”. I’m fairly confident that whoever said it had never been on a car trip with small children. I tend to try and blur the memories of long drives because it puts me off going anywhere, ever, but generally there’s a lot of bribery, silly games, pulling over, body contortions that a gymnast would be proud of to reach dropped toys, endless snacks, a decent amount of whinging, and the occasional puke into a hastily proffered container. But even after the most fraught car trips, there’s a lovely moment when I realise we got there safely, and can relish the thought of happy times just waiting to happen. Sometimes that lovely moment doesn’t hit until well after the house has been frantically cleared of mouse poo and the unpacked car has been pulled apart to find missing Snuggly Bunny, but it does hit eventually. Going away even with just our little family isn’t the casual after-thought it used to be before we had children…it’s …
Me: “Tilly, time for bed” Tilly: “Ok! I’ll just get my gumboots!” It’s abundantly clear I need to introduce my two year old to the social code about how you’re better to arrive at an engagement dressed too casually vs. too flashy.
Me: “Oo! I heard a rustling sound early this morning, maybe it was the Easter Bunny!”Tilly: “Oh noooo! Is he gonna kill us?” Me: “…um…no…he might have left you some chocolate…” I feel I haven’t been as thorough with explaining childhood rituals to my second child as I was with my first.
Tilly spent 20 minutes trying to coax Frankie into eating some banana. Defeated (cats just aren’t into bananas) she tearfully shouted “But I made aeroplane noises and everyfing!”, then got in a shit with everyone in the house. WELCOME TO MY WORLD, TILLY.