Waiters will hate her one day
Peanut butter & jam sandwich requested. Peanut butter & jam sandwich rejected moments later because “I didn’t want peanut butter in it! And no jam and NO bread!”
All posts tagged: #toddler
When you’re ready to hit the club but Bae isn’t feeling it
#MorningParentingGoals
There’s a special little dance I reserve for evenings when I realise The Blacklist is on and there’s cold wine in the fridge (accompanied by a tiny squeal if there’s also chocolate). This morning I busted out that dance by the grey light of dawn when the TV line up revealed cartoons that BOTH girls like, all they requested for a snack was a banana, and no one squawked “stay with me Mama!” when I tabled the proposal that I go back to bed for a while.
Failed calculations
Because I only needed a few things and had been weakened by plaintive cries of “don’t put me in a trolley! I won’t touch any-fing!”, Tilly strutted through the supermarket this morning. Wooed by what I calculated would be at least an 80% reduction in whinging, I failed to consider: The 75% increase in time taken from entry to checkout, The 82% surge in my yelling (most of which was solely devoted to shouting “put that down!” in the egg and wine sections), A solid 36% more shin bruising thanks to her basket being swung about with gay abandon, An 8% price hike due to a little chocolate egg being snuck in when I wasn’t looking (to be fair, that probably happened while I was ferreting Creme Eggs deep under the bread bag hoping she wouldn’t notice), And a 147% spike in adrenaline when she momentarily disappeared as I was swiping the credit card. Numbers are not my strong point.
Deliciousness
Lovingly making a selection of hors d’oeuvres that strike a gentle balance between tasty and nutritious. I will share these pretty plates of deliciousness with girlfriends at a friend’s house tonight while we gorge on reality TV. In my absence, my family will dine on a hastily-bought frozen lasagna. #Priorities
Mama: Queen Of The Universe
Tilly lost her shit with me this morning because I wouldn’t “put the sun in the sky!” She rejected my submission that it was dark because she’d woken up an hour early. On the flip side, I’m stoked she thinks I can wield that much power over the universe. #MakeTheSunRiseMama
Poor planning indeed
I’ve run completely out of wine due to poor planning. Everyone is Very Concerned.
AND there was lying down involvedĀ
You know it has been A Challenging Week when you excitedly chalk up going for a pap smear as “child free time”
Droppin’ off my sister in my Active Wear
Tilly joins the “Wearing Active Wear To School Drop Off” movement.
Sanctimonious snack
I just gave my two year old a snack of homemade Greek yogurt, raw nuts, homemade stewed peaches (that we hand picked together as a family. Organic, obviously), chia seeds and cacao nibs. But now I don’t know whether to upload a photo to Instagram, or smack myself in the face really hard. I’m conflicted. It’s a very conflicting moment.
McPikelets 