1. Lock cat inside an hour before departure.
2. Acknowledge that while it’s very clever that the three year old can unlock the cat’s door, she mustn’t do it right now.
3. Coax cat back inside and lock cat door again.
4. Pull down attic stairs to retrieve cat-cage, start to climb into 3.6 metre high ceiling.
5. Climb back down. Acknowledge that yes, the three year old is very good at climbing, but mustn’t follow you up.
6. Turn on Sesame Street, ply three year old with a treat, and put the baby (also keen to prove climbing prowess) in high chair with non-choking snack.
7. Pull attic stairs down again, retrieve cat-cage.
8. Watch cat freak out at sight of cage and run under bed.
9. Begin We Are Leaving The House Soon protocols (where are your shoes? Yes you must go to the toilet. Oh, crap, the baby needs changing. Yes you can go to the vet dressed as Queen Elsa. Have you found your shoes yet? No, we can’t wait until Sesame Street has finished. Etc)
10. Coax cat out from under bed.
11. Race toward the voice shouting “Mummmm! Tilly is stucccckkkk!” while being clawed by cat.
12. Discover baby stuck in cat cage.
13. Watch helplessly as cat wriggles free and dives under bed.
14. Take photo of stuck baby.
15. Send photo of stuck baby to husband for LOLs.
16. Bend back three fingernails while undoing the cage snaps to take the whole top off.
17. Re-assemble cat cage.
18. Coax cat out from under bed.
19. Grab baby’s leg as she tries to climb back into cage.
20. Stuff cat into cage.
21. Begin We Are Getting In The Car Now protocol (Yes, you must sit in your car seat. Wait, where are your shoes? The baby needs changing AGAIN?! Sit still while I do up your straps. WE ARE RUNNING VERY LATE. Etc)
22. Lock house and get into driver’s seat.
23. Remember cat still in cat cage in hallway.
24. Unlock house/grab cage/re-lock house (feels like one movement).
25. Strap cage in car.
26. Drive to vet while trying to find the perfect volume balance for “shake it off” that isn’t so loud it makes the cat yowl, yet loud enough to stop the three year old from shrieking “I can’t hear it!”
Easy!

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