Science
Toddlers: Reliably able to prove the theory that the more shit you had to get done during nap time, the less likely they are to take a nap.
Author: McPikelets
I spy…
A heated game of “I Spy” is underway. Player 1: Four years old. Somewhat limited spelling ability. Player 2: Twenty-one months old. No spelling ability. Tensions are running high. We might need a ref, and a medic. #GiraffeDoesNotStartWithJ #ThereIsNoGiraffeInSightAnyway#ThisGameIsRigged
*burp*
Thanks to Tilly, burps shall henceforth and forevermore be known as “mouth farts”
Mein Toddler
To streamline communication, Tilly has mashed up her two most-used words into one. “No!” and “mine!” now co-exist as “nein! nein! NEIN!” It’s like living with a tiny, angry German.
Whose shoes?
Must remember to be more specific when shrieking “everyone get shoes on, we’re late!”
Phwoar
While our Tinderella/SnapchattingSingle friends are receiving dick pics…
Ad life
Amy: “They’re not JUST ads, Mummy! They’re lovely stories about things we can actually buy!” Somewhere, a Creative Director’s brain just exploded with happiness and they started working on their Cannes acceptance speech and clearing shelf space for gold pencil awards. Visions of promotions and future shoots in tropical locations danced in their head. (Meanwhile, a client sent off an email to their account manager, asking if a series of focus groups could be arranged immediately to ascertain whether by “story” she was indicating the ads promote the product as being “false” or “untrustworthy”, and would focus groups be covered by the agency retainer?)
Trapped
Trapped in the kitchen. I feel you, Tilly, I really do.
My eeeeeeeeyyyyyyessssssss
Doctor’s simple instructions for Tilly’s eye drops: Lie toddler down quietly Use clean fingers to hold eyelid open Gently squeeze two drops into each eye Have toddler lie still for a few minutes to make sure the eyedrops have dispersed. How it went down: Lay toddler on couch Used clean fingers to try and hold eyelid open Chased freaked-out toddler around house while she shouted “no mummy! no mummy!” loudly enough to alarm the neighbors. Tried to reason with toddler, remembered that toddlers don’t reason, so offered bribes. No show. Tackled then wrestled toddler to floor. Took a moment to acknowledge that I’d be totally awesome in some sort of greased piglet wrestling competition. Sang toddler’s favorite songs at high volume to calm her down while trying to pry her eyes open. Worried that she’d come over like one of Pavlov’s Dogs and associate her favorite songs with pain and fear. Started singing first non-child song that came into my head. It was Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name Of”. Flagged non-child song as …
The case for a third
My column in the latest issue of Little Treasures Magazine: Jeremy desperately wants to get himself “fixed”, while I have a big fat panic that I’m not finished having babies yet. Mildly passive-aggressive marital conversations ensue. A boozy dinner with girlfriends is had to thrash out pros and cons. Decisions are made… Or are they?
McPikelets 