Amy (who is usually terrified of dogs): “Mum, I reeeeaaaallly want a puppy, can we pllleeeaaasssee get one?” Me: “Dogs are a big responsibility. They need to be walked and played with every day, who will do that?” Amy: “I WILL!!” Me: “They need to be fed every day, who will do that?” Amy: “I WILL!” Me: “Someone has to pick up their poos when you take them walking, who will do that?” Amy: “Ummm, well, that sounds like more of a Mummy sort of job.” It does, doesn’t it?
Making homemade ice blocks is great for making you feel all healthy and Pinterest-Mum-ish, (“look what we did together with water, a drop of juice and assorted frozen berries! Can’t wait to eat them over hand-painted plates in my perfect garden under a tree decorated with our hand-cut bunting #love#suchagoodmum #lovemylife #mykidsareawesome #organic“etc.,) but the resulting afternoon with the three year old opening the freezer door every two minutes to check if they’re ready while I shout “stop opening the freezer, they won’t be ready for hours!” is really taking the shine off it.
Amy took offence to being told to eat her broccoli, and offered the following retort: “well, one day I’m going to get a puppy and he’s going to pee in your wine!”
The Kindy Christmas concert is to have a Noah’s Ark theme, and parents have been requested to send their children dressed as animals. Asked Amy which animal she’d like to go as, and she decided “Fairy Princess”. Told her that Noah probably didn’t have any fairy princesses on the Ark. She reckons Noah SHOULD have had fairy princesses on the Ark, but with that in mind, she’d take a back-up option and go as a unicorn. Aghast to learn that no, there were no unions on the Ark, either. A slammed door and several lengthy discussions about how Noah could have better stocked his Ark, and she’s finally settled on going as a flamingo.
Offered snack options to the three year old. She declined all options, because: “I’m full…I had some mint from the garden and some fingernails”. Boogers for dinner, then.
“Mummy, I’m going to tickle you until wees come out your nose!” I’m not sure the Depends marketing team ever envisaged such a situation.
Dress-up day at kindy for Halloween. Amy shunned all her dress-up options and said she wanted to go “as a mum”. I sent her in a lightly stained top with a messy ponytail, and hastily applied eyeshadow and lipstick.
“I’m taking my doctor’s kit with me to the doctors with us. I can show him what to do because he might not know what he’s doing”. I’m sure our doctor was thrilled with all the “constructive criticism” he received.
8.45 AM: The preschool teachers lovingly set out a large tray of plastic animals covered with flour and glitter so the children can excavate and discover, and, like, learn and stuff. 9.15 AM: The girls have taken over the table, glitterery flour is liberally spread through their hair (and all over the floor) as they all desperately attempt to make their hair white “just like Queen Elsa!”
Amy on her new (utterly amazing, wonderful and gorgeous) babysitter named Lola: “So is she the showgirl Lola, or a different Lola?” I think I need to moderate my show-tune singing.
McPikelets 