Author: McPikelets

Quick and easy prep for a trip to the vet with two little “helpers”:

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1. Lock cat inside an hour before departure. 2. Acknowledge that while it’s very clever that the three year old can unlock the cat’s door, she mustn’t do it right now. 3. Coax cat back inside and lock cat door again. 4. Pull down attic stairs to retrieve cat-cage, start to climb into 3.6 metre high ceiling. 5. Climb back down. Acknowledge that yes, the three year old is very good at climbing, but mustn’t follow you up. 6. Turn on Sesame Street, ply three year old with a treat, and put the baby (also keen to prove climbing prowess) in high chair with non-choking snack. 7. Pull attic stairs down again, retrieve cat-cage. 8. Watch cat freak out at sight of cage and run under bed. 9. Begin We Are Leaving The House Soon protocols (where are your shoes? Yes you must go to the toilet. Oh, crap, the baby needs changing. Yes you can go to the vet dressed as Queen Elsa. Have you found your shoes yet? No, we can’t wait until …

The trauma of normal

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“But that’s not fair! THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I AM MEANT TO BE LIVING!” -Amy struggling to contain her intense disappointment after I set her straight that she isn’t allergic to anything at all after she self-diagnosed herself as being allergic to peanuts and pollen.

Always with the sticking-things-in-noses.

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I’ve just been chastised by my three year old for throwing a semi-frozen pea away instead of letting her eat it. In my defense, I’d like to point out that I’d just retrieved said pea from her left nostril after several tense minutes involving blowing, perseverance, the employment of a bobby-pin, and a great deal of Trying To Stay Very Calm.

Opt-out

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How do I unsubscribe from my three year old’s tantrums? Or is there some sort of opt-out/opt-in list? I’m totally up for a tanty over a dropped icecream (scream it loud, honey, I would), but meltdowns over fictionally wonky ponytails are just spam.

Sap

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You know you’re a gigantic sap when you go on your first EVER child-free holiday, see this on the in-flight viewing list and almost watch it to feel somehow connected to your kids. Almost.

Gracias!

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After overhearing Amy rattle off a few Spanish words in the supermarket this morning, a Very Nice Lady commented how lovely it was to see children being brought up in bilingual homes, and how proud the Spanish speaking members of our family must be. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Dora the Explorer is the sole Spanish speaking member of our family.

I vant to pee alone

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Jeremy is back at work today after three weeks of loveliness. Yeah, sure, I’m missing all the fun-family-togetherness, but what I’m missing the most is being able to go to nip to the loo all by myself, without a one year old insisting she sits upon my knee while a three year old counts loudly to see how long the tinkle sound goes for.

Hallmark Moment?

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Amy came running toward me, the sun shining behind her, golden curls fanning out in the breeze, sturdy little legs carrying her as fast as they could, a laugh bubbling out from her rosebud lips, a brilliant smile lighting up her face and crinkling her eyes. It was exactly the sort of moment I’d imagined when the nurse handed me my tiny newborn daughter three-and-a-half years ago. She flung herself into my arms…and said “hey Mum! Smell my fingers! I’ve been touching sheep poo”. Oh.

Why?

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Me: “Stop touching your eyeball” x 157 Amy: “Why?” Me: “It’s gross” Amy: “I don’t think it’s gross” Me: “Stoptouchingyoureyeball!” Amy: “Why?!” Me: “Well…you might get an infection in your eye and not be able to see” Amy: “You mean I’d be blind? COOL! Then we could get a guide dog!” *prods eye* This is PRECISELY why “because I said so” should be a valid response to any and all three year old Why Questions.