All posts filed under: Short Stuff

Precious memories…?

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Hold tight to the precious memory of your three year old snaking her soft little arms around your neck and whispering “will you lie down in my bed with me mummy? I love you so much and we’re best friends”. Hold particularly tight to that precious memory 40 minutes later at 4.30am as you cling to the edge of a single bed, taking erratic kicks to your kidneys, with a stuffed monkey wedged under your chin, finding yourself saying things like “stop wriggling and go to sleep! Did you seriously just wipe a booger on me?! Don’t DO that!”

Hiccups

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Amy: “MUM! I’ve got hiccups.” Me: *in jolly tones* “Hiccups? Hiccups are funny things, aren’t they?” Amy *patiently yet patronising* “Ahhhh, no, you’re thinking of farts. Farts are funny, Mummy, not hiccups. Farts are funny; hiccups are just annoying.” Sorry. My mistake.

G&T – yes please.

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Amy to my Mum as they ventured out on a cafe excursion this morning: “Right, so I’ll have a fluffy and marshmallows, and you can have a Gin & Tonic. Does that sound good?” I’m not sure The Fairy Cafe does a G&T, but, if they do, I’m booking it for all future birthday parties.

Scotland represent.

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It’s Cultural Week at kindy, and the kids have been encouraged to wear clothes/bring props that represent their cultural backgrounds. Today Amy is representing Scotland. She’s wearing a scratchy woolen jersey and has a hip flask of Single Malt Whisky for snack time.

I heart my little a-holes

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A courier came knocking this morning with this little gem, ordered by my outstanding husband. I’ve been wanting to read “I heart my little a-holes” by Karen Alpert ( Baby Sideburns) ever since she had it published. Now three things need to happen so I can sit down and read it: 1. The baby needs to fall asleep. 2. The dishes/laundry need to do themselves. 3. I need to go back in time to this morning and change the three year old’s punishment from “you will not be watching Frozen today!” to something else so that I can regain 98 minutes of relatively demand-free time. Failing that, I may fake a minor stomach upset that necessitates I sit in the loo all day while Someone Else looks after the kids.