All posts filed under: Short Stuff

Murdery Easter

Me: “Oo! I heard a rustling sound early this morning, maybe it was the Easter Bunny!”Tilly: “Oh noooo! Is he gonna kill us?” Me: “…um…no…he might have left you some chocolate…” I feel I haven’t been as thorough with explaining childhood rituals to my second child as I was with my first.


There’s a special little dance I reserve for evenings when I realise The Blacklist is on and there’s cold wine in the fridge (accompanied by a tiny squeal if there’s also chocolate). This morning I busted out that dance by the grey light of dawn when the TV line up revealed cartoons that BOTH girls like, all they requested for a snack was a banana, and no one squawked “stay with me Mama!” when I tabled the proposal that I go back to bed for a while.


Uptown Bounce Lady: “Would you like to buy an extra pair of trampolining socks for $2 in case you want to jump with your daughter?” Me: “Ohhhh…I thought it was just for kids. We’ve never been before. I’ll probably sit and watch her”. One minute later…. Me: *frantically searching through wallet for $2 whilst simultaneously doing preemptive kegels and evaluating elasticity of bra* “Hell YEAH I want a pair of trampolining socks so I can jump!”

Failed calculations

Because I only needed a few things and had been weakened by plaintive cries of “don’t put me in a trolley! I won’t touch any-fing!”, Tilly strutted through the supermarket this morning. Wooed by what I calculated would be at least an 80% reduction in whinging, I failed to consider: The 75% increase in time taken from entry to checkout, The 82% surge in my yelling (most of which was solely devoted to shouting “put that down!” in the egg and wine sections), A solid 36% more shin bruising thanks to her basket being swung about with gay abandon, An 8% price hike due to a little chocolate egg being snuck in when I wasn’t looking (to be fair, that probably happened while I was ferreting Creme Eggs deep under the bread bag hoping she wouldn’t notice), And a 147% spike in adrenaline when she momentarily disappeared as I was swiping the credit card. Numbers are not my strong point.


Lovingly making a selection of hors d’oeuvres that strike a gentle balance between tasty and nutritious. I will share these pretty plates of deliciousness with girlfriends at a friend’s house tonight while we gorge on reality TV. In my absence, my family will dine on a hastily-bought frozen lasagna. #Priorities