All posts tagged: #pregnancy

The Case For A Third

(Originally published in the October/November 2015 edition of Little Treasures Magazine) I always imagined myself having two kids one day. Girls, boys, one of each…that never bothered me, but I really wanted two. For a while, it looked like we might struggle to even have one, and the day I saw two blue lines appearing on a white stick remains one of the happiest of my life. My husband was a somewhat reluctant father-to-be – he was massively supportive, but I’d catch him gazing at my rapidly growing belly with a mix of what can only be described as abject terror. That all changed the second Amy was born, at which point he became The Only Man To Have Ever Become A Father, our daughter was The Most Amazing Child In The World, Ever, and he practically signed up for a second baby on the spot. Given the struggles we had getting pregnant with Amy, we got back on the baby bandwagon (almost) immediately. Surgeries for endometriosis followed, as did failed attempts at IVF, and …

Overlapping weights. A Very Real Threat

When my husband embarked on his running/healthy eating jaunt, I was super impressed (“Look at my fit, svelte husband! Hasn’t he done WELL?” etc.) However, as he continues to shrink whilst I amble towards a pinnacle of hugeness, the once-vague concept of our weights overlapping is becoming a Very Real Threat. I’ve no choice but to fight back in the only way I know how. I’m reinstating the “if I do the shopping and the cooking, then I get to decide what we’re eating” covenant. Giant mountains of pasta and/or buttery potatoes will be served every night. Cakes will be baked. Squiggle Tops may be crushed up and added to healthy morning smoothies. I feel better already.

Ahh the pearls of wisdom that people feel compelled to share with the Hugely Pregnant.

When a lady queuing alongside me glanced at my bump today and started with “wow, you’re really pregnant. My friend had a baby last week…” I knew I should dump my intended purchases and waddle away as fast as my puffy feet would carry me. But, oh! the path to finding a suitable button-front nightie that didn’t look like it was destined to be worn by an 80 year old had been a long one, and there was 20% off, so I held my ground (I qualify with “suitable”, because I DID find a nightie with spectacularly easy boob-access in another shop, but it was covered in red sequins and said “Santa’s Saucy Helper”, and I’m just not convinced that will support the Wholesome Mother image I’m hoping to portray whilst staying at Birthcare). Thank you, lady in the queue at Farmers who told me the tale of her friend who laboured for ages, like, days or something, and then the baby came out feet first. I’ll pop that story in my memory bank alongside …

Grooming while pregnant

Achieving a perfectly shaven leg whilst 9 months pregnant is easy! Try to ensure you’ve had minimal sleep due to pregnancy insomnia, then just follow these simple steps: Set toddler up with Pre-approved snacks, music and butterfly wings. Get in shower, wedge bum into one corner and foot into diagonally opposite corner. Try not to fall sideways. Realise neither soap nor razor can be reached from this position. Place razor between teeth and soap under armpit, and re-wedge body. Drop soap. Swear. Retrieve soap and resume wedged position. Lather leg. Explain to toddler that you can’t fix her butterfly wings right now. Get out of shower and fix butterfly wings. Get back in, resume wedged position, re-lather and quickly shave leg in a slap-dash, devil-may-care manner, using both right and left handed swipes with the razor. Re-wedge body into diagonal position to lather the next leg. Explain to toddler that you can’t take the label out of the back of her t-shirt right now, but that you’ll get the scissors and cut it out after …