Tilly: “Look at the toenails on my hands!” Or, as regular people call them, “fingernails”.
All posts tagged: #toddler
Gave the girls the “we’re going to visit friends with a tiny baby, so please use your quiet voices” speech. Their reactions did nothing to fill me with confidence.
No Regrets
Growing weary of an over-tired Tilly’s refusal to go to sleep, I outsourced the parenting to Siri. It seems singing lullabies to two year olds is not Siri’s strong point. So I offered Tilly chips and cartoons in the morning if she’d just go to bed. Success. I regret nothing. NOTHING.
Splits
At the end of the party, there’s always that one girl with her eyes half-closed saying “here, hold my drink, I’m gonna see if I can do the splits”.
Pink food
Yesterday we took the girls to a Malaysian restaurant, because I thought it was high time I lived up to my pre-child stipulation that “my children will enjoy a wide variety of ethnic foods”. But I fed them up on cheese sandwiches a bit first, because I doubt the experimental abilities of their palates, and also because I often want to punch my pre-child smug self right in the teeth. Amy warily eyed her roti, but two bites in was trilling “it’s like an amazing flat croissant! Can I have another one after this one and another one after that?” as she settled in for her carb load-up. “TOO PICEY! TOO PICEY!” shrieked Tilly, grappling for a water glass, after dipping her roti in the spicy chilli oil when no one was watching. Pink food. Doesn’t always taste as pretty as it looks. 🔥🔥🔥
Manicures. Trickier than they look.
Tantys
I get an immense amount of joy from witnessing my two year old’s tantrums. It’s her special way of demonstrating that she’ll grow into an independent woman who will never take no for an answer, who will stick to her guns, who will preserve until she gets what she wants at all costs, who will have a healthy set of lungs, a voice that will carry across a crowd of thousands, and a deceptive level of physical strength. #blessed JOKES! Can anyone hook a sister up with some Valium?
Derping over lipstick
Tilly was so overcome by the sheer excitement of being next to try on “lipick” she derped the derpiest face I’ve ever witnessed. Props to the awesome lady at Bobbi Brown for indulging little-girl dreams so this mama could find the perfect daytime red lippy.
The Swan Plant Fracas
After working the girls up into a frenzy about getting a swan plant so we could watch caterpillars turn into butterflies (wholesome! outdoors! gardening! learning but it’s FUN! etc), all our local garden centers were totally out of the bloody things. So we schlepped across town to a High Class garden centre and selected a healthy specimen with two teeny tiny caterpillars already munching on it. Amy promptly named them Elsa & Anna. Success…until two angry wasps wanted to come with our plant, and caused us to nearly knock over an over-priced yucca in our haste to get away. Plant temporarily abandoned, we sought out a garden centre employee so I could say “hey look, buddy, I don’t know how you guys do things over here in the land of Range Rovers, but in the Central-West suburbs we like our plants without flying striped stinging assholes”. The nice employee man explained to my wide-eyed children that the wasps were chasing us because they want to eat the caterpillars.‪#‎RemueraHorrorStory‬. With Amy’s shrieks of “Go and save Elsa …
McPikelets 