All posts tagged: #toddler
Hitchcock Run
Was really looking forward to having a run today, until Tilly ominously said (well, as ominously as a 2 year old can sound) “don’t go for run, Mama. Don’t go BECAUSE OF THE BIRDIES”.
Tilly just took a pen from my hand and firmly said: “Only for grownups”. #ApparentlyNotAGrownUp
No explanation
I’ve had children for 4.5 years now. Yet I still find myself asking questions aloud, such as “why are there teeth marks in the toilet paper roll?” “Why are there dirty socks in the fridge?” What’s a fork doing jammed in the cat door?”, as if I expect a reasonable answer in response.
The most awesome solution
You know that guy who was in your friend group when you were a teenager who was always so much smarter than everyone else? The one you always knew would go far? We had one of those. He was crazy smart, as well as alarmingly good at sports and doing practical stuff. He would have been really annoying if he wasn’t so damn nice with it. This weekend I was panicking about electrocution from fairy lights, repeating “stop touching the Christmas tree. Stop touching the Christmas tree. Stop touching the Christmas tree” and googling “how bad is it if your kid eats tinsel”. I paused to have a soothing social media fix, and saw that my friend had also experienced a similar toddler-related conundrum, but had Mathsed and Scienced his way though it. So while I’m still shrieking at my children and standing on ornaments that are strewn all over the carpet (because “stop touching the Christmas tree” is an open challenge to a two year old), my friend is probably sitting around with his super …
School visit shenanigans
Prior to her school visits, I’m pretty sure Amy pulled Tilly aside and whispered, “Hey Tills, be a pal and act like a total shit-stick so that I will look angelic by comparison”. Because during 3 x vists to Amy’s 2016 school (if they’ll still take her), Tilly has: Trashed the classroom nativity scene Run off with the teacher’s permanent marker Yelled “It’s POOS!” when the teacher held up a picture of potatoes and asked the class what it was Performed an expressive dance in the middle of the orderly circle the children had formed during mat time Smashed a glass Up-ended jigsaw puzzles Inexplicably started chanting “All Blacks! All Blacks! All Blacks!” while running around the classroom as the other children studiously made Christmas cards Pulled apart a wooden rainbow Taken a bite out of a glue stick at the craft table. Meanwhile, Amy has been folding her arms, sitting nicely, singing along to class songs, and shooting warning looks at her delinquent little sister.
Sounds like…
It would seem that for a toddler, “would you please help me pick up the pegs?” sounds remarkably like “would you like to watch Peppa Pig?”. EVERYTHING IS NOW SAD AND BROKEN.
Prove it
Even though I’ve decades of cafe experience under my belt, Tilly has elected to test my “theory” that cupcakes can’t be eaten through a straw. #HowsThatWorkingOutForYouTilly
Leading by non-example
“No, sweetheart, you can’t have a treat. Treats are a sometimes food – they’re not for every day” is best said in virtuous tones through a mouthful of chocolate while hiding in the pantry.
Welcome Home
Arrived home from a childless weekend away to this front door of gorgeousness yesterday. Drawings, declarations of love, stickers, daisy chains…aaaaand a plastic centipede “to give you a big fright and make you scream loudly”.
McPikelets 