It matters
You know you’re overdue for adult company when you find yourself in the midst of a heated and prolonged debate with your three year old over the correct lyrics to a particular Frozen song.
Author: McPikelets
Mum Injuries
I’ve had several ACC reports lodged by my Dr over the years (for non-NZ’ers reading along at home, ACC is the Accident Compensation Corporation, and if you injure yourself they partially pay for treatment, any loss of income etc. It’s not a perfect system, but it’s there). Some of my pre-motherhood reports from my Dr seemed outlandishly ridiculous: “Twisted ankle falling off curb in high heels” “Hurt neck falling off wakeboard” “Strained knee while avoiding a bee” (that one was my favorite). Since having the girls: “Strained shoulder from leaning over cot patting baby to sleep” “Bruised nose from being head-butted by baby” And as of yesterday: “Caught thumbnail while pulling up child’s gumboot. Nail bed now infected”. Rock n Roll.
Lost in translation
Amy, mid-way through an account of something that may or may not have happened: “…and then I said, ‘I hate you!’” Me: Generic extended rant about never saying that to anyone / hurt feelings / how would you like it / hate is a very strong word / blah blah boring parent speech etc etc etc. Amy: *dramatic side-eyes action* “Mummmmmmm, ‘I hate you’ is actually Spanish for ‘I’m a bit busy playing right now, can I just play with you later? I love you, bye’, so THAT’S what I really meant.” Yeahh, I missed the episode of Dora where she and Boots were being complete tools to Benny the Bull, but then it actually just transpired to be a language misunderstanding. #notbuyingit
Mummy Beauty On A Budget Tip:
Don’t waste your money on expensive Juvederm injections at posh beauty clinics, simply allow your toddler to smack you in the mouth with the back of their head. You get the Hollywood “bee-stung-lip” look without the hefty price tag, and they get a lesson in four letter words they’re not supposed to say.
Silence
Sometimes a moment of silence means the 16 month old is quietly amusing herself by looking at books. Sometimes a moment of silence means there are no longer any flaps remaining in the “lift the flap” books
Frosty
There are some questions that you’ll never be quite prepared for, no matter how many parenting websites or Frozen FAQs you’ve read. Questions such as: “Mummy, does Queen Elsa have a cold bagina?”
Pelvic Floor
There’s nothing like your daughters demanding you jump with them on the trampoline every day to reinforce how grateful you should be for doing all those pelvic floor exercises while pregnant.
And now, we wait
Three McPikelets waiting for birds to come for the bread on the lawn. They’ve each got their own reason.
SASS?
My three year old just put her hands on her hips and said “Don’t you sass me, Mummy”. Did I fall asleep and wake up in Mississippi circa 1952? (Side note: I typed ‘Mississippi’ first time, without autocorrect helping me. Is there a prize?)
Oh, Au Pair!
Thought I’d stumbled into some sort of “Supermodels Holding Cute Toddlers In A Playground” photo shoot when I took Tilly to her Plunket appointment this morning…but no, it was an Au Pair play group. Have never felt so short and un-accented in all my life.
McPikelets 