Amy: “MUM! I’ve got hiccups.” Me: *in jolly tones* “Hiccups? Hiccups are funny things, aren’t they?” Amy *patiently yet patronising* “Ahhhh, no, you’re thinking of farts. Farts are funny, Mummy, not hiccups. Farts are funny; hiccups are just annoying.” Sorry. My mistake.
“MUM! I nearly finished my vitamin, but it fell out of my mouth somewhere in the lounge, or your room, or my room and I can’t find it! YOU HAVE TO FIND IT!” “Ummm, can I get you a new vitamin? Here we go.” “No! It has to be the one I was eating or it will be the saddest day EVER.” Anyone want to come help me comb through vitamin-coloured shag pile? #AverageParentProblems
Me: “There’s some pie left over from dinner, would you like to have it for your lunch?” Amy: “Yee-ess, BUT just pie and tomato sauce and no veges. I can’t deal with vegetables today.”
Amy: “Mum, where are the sulks?” Me: “The whats? What are sulks?” Amy: “I don’t know. But Dad said I can have one.” Me: “What exactly did Dad say?” Amy: “He said, ‘if you’re going to behave like that then you can go and have a sulk in your bedroom.’ So, can I have one please?” More cause for having a sulk when it sunk in that it’s not some sort of new sugar-laden treat.
If you’re going to get all exasperated and say to your three year old: “stop wiping your sticky hands on the table, Amy! You need to use your head more, please!” then you better be prepared for that advice to be taken really, really literally.
“Oh! Oh nooooo! Quick! Pass me that tea towel! I need to dry my leg before it DROWNS!” *wipes microscopic drop of milk from leg*
Scottish stubbornness + Italian martyrdom genes = Amy sat with stoicism and powered through the two dry WeetBix she’d chosen for breakfast, refusing to concede she’d made a bad call and should really accept the milk on offer.
Amy: “Sometimes I tell the troof, and sometimes I’m not telling the troof. And sometimes I SAY it’s the troof, but it’s not really the troof. And sometimes it is really the troof.” Me: “So did you wash your hands, or not?” Amy: “Yes.” Me: “Are you telling the truth?” Amy: “No.” My head hurts.
Amy thought it would be nice to lay out Jeremy’s running gear. She helpfully added a Pull-Up…is there an LBL issue I’m not aware of?
Mid-victory lap around the couch, I wondered if perhaps I might be slightly over-stating the degree of difficulty involved in assembling a Kinder Surprise toy. Until Amy joined in, shouting “hooray Mummy! You actually did it! That is SO surprising!”